That's crazier than a boatload of prostitutes!

I try not to let other people's problems problem me.

I love animals, especially with barbeque sauce.

Life.... It's better than the alternative.

The truth is like sunlight: It causes cancer.

[Truman] didn’t want to fight the guy, whatever he was—alien, vampyr or douchebag.

I love Las Vegas because it's the one city less classy than Los Angeles.

Los Angeles is a city made up of refugees from better cities.

Don’t follow someone else’s map. You should glean teachings from all directions, keeping true to those that bring progress yet remaining open to changes in yourself.

[N]o lie can live forever...

We want to remember that America is at its best when it’s struggling to live up to its stated ideals.

The government is tottering. We must deal it the death blow an any cost. To delay action is the same as death.

There are so many people that would be lined up to get their cut that even trying to finance a reboot of 'Frasier' would be nightmarish.

Government's first duty and highest obligation is public safety.

Poetry is the most mistaught subject in any school because we teach poetry by form and not by content.

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

I started playing in bars when I was about 15 years old, and there are things that I saw early on that really shaped who I am.

Just remember, stealing's punishable by death