That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Only the people who are rooted in the house of God will thrive, prosper, become rich and still have joy in every situation

- Murder is a sin. It's a sin in Judaism, it's a sin in Christianity, it's a sin in Islam and every other…- I'll decide what's a sin.

....hurts like love, I guess. There's always room for more.

The world is governed more by appearance than realities so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.

I've fired my last shot. I think I should have another round in my belt.

Houses are full of things that gather dust

I don't think of spiritual principle as a struggle. I think of life lived without spiritual principles as a struggle.

The desire for self-esteem without integrity is like the desire for wealth without effort-a longing for the unearned.

To me there is no picture so beautiful as smiling, bright-eyed, happy children; no music so sweet as their clear and ringing laughter.

I said: "He cannot be so bad if he loves roses so much." "But he is a Beast," said Father helplessly. I saw that he was weakening, and wishing only to comfort him I said, "Cannot a Beast be tamed?"