The 99 Cent Only Store is calling itself your Valentine's Day headquarters. Guys, if that's your Valentine's Day headquarters, you can also call the garage your new home.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Anything that had happened once on Earth should be expected millions of times elsewhere in the Universe

21Most food goes to waste in affluent societies. When we throw leftovers into the garbage, it goes to waste. When we eat more food than we need, it goes to waist.

The best form of defense is attack.

My dream match is me and Chris Benoit against Fit Finlay and William Regal. That way I get to work with Benoit and I get to beat up and get beat up by Finlay and Regal.

New York is vibrant, sexy, naughty, always surprising, and has great live music and great fashion.

No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.

While briskly to each patriot lip Walks eager round the inspiring flip; Delicious draught, whose pow'rs inherit The quintessence of public spirit!

I was almost kind of trapped by my own success into only doing rock.

Be not too hasty to trust or to admire the teachers of morality; they discourse like angels, but they live like men.

Society needs first of all to be free from meddlersthat is, to be let alone.