The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when you get in?

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.

Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.

Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.

Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.

All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.

A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes.

For humans, flying isn't magic, it's physics.

I have both the violent turbulence of the storm and the quiet promises of God in the storm. And what I must work to remember is that something is not necessarily stronger simply because it’s louder.

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.

Don't speculate unless you can make it a full time job.

I used to do a lot of comedy. I don't know what happened. I think it's my face.

Play before you get good, because by the time you get good, you're too old to play

The temptation to use mathematics is irresistible for economists. It appears to convey the appropriate air of scientific authority and precision to economists' musings.

I think I'm a maker of songs, and songs are like films or a picture: You put them over there, and they have nothing to do with you.

You contain a trillion copies of a large, textual document written in a highly accurate, digital code, each copy as voluminous as a substantial book. I'm talking, of course, of the DNA in your cells.

A background of wrath, which can be stirred up to the murderous infernal pitch, does lie in every man.