The Alps are a simple folk, living on a diet of old shoes. And the Lord Alps those who alp themselves.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

When greed is enthroned, be it in a community or nation, ungodliness is celebrated at the altar of human pleasure.

We live in a society where mutual respect and appreciation should be considered one of the pillars of modern life.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? The mother.

An organization's reason for being, like that of any organism, is to help the parts that are in relationship to each other, to be able to deal with change in the environment.

I like talking to a person who is crazy in a fun, eccentric way. I don't want to talk to a legitimate crazy person, because that's not nice.

I don't want to discount talent and ability, but I still maintain that a lot of it is just sheer desire.

History must not be written with bias, and both sides must be given, even if there is only one side.

God does not owe me an explanation for what He does in my life. And if I am looking for that to feel better about my suffering, then I'm not going to get it.

Literature is greater than any of us, dammit.

I love having no sense of tomorrow or yesterday.