The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!

I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.

Occasionally I'll watch Fox News for as long as I can tolerate it, or CNN. I'll watch until I get infuriated, but you got to know what they're talking about and what they're not talking about.

I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and really juvenile and uncreative

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.

We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.

I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.

You have to have some level of attachment, you can still have passion and believe but it has to be softened somewhat.

Teach honesty by all means - you do know what it is, don't you?

If you knew how cowardly your enemy is you would slap him. Bravery is knowledge of the cowardice in the enemy.

Which death is preferably to every other? 'The unexpected'.

But the sky was never quite the same shade of blue again.

America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people.

I started Botox the first year it came out. I was the first one in line, and I have had Botox every six months since then.

Please send me your last pair of shoes, worn out with dancing as you mentioned in your letter, so that I might have something to press against my heart.

Sometimes I thought about nothing and sometimes I thought about my life. At least I made a living. What kind of living? A living. It wasn't easy. I found out how little is unbearable.

I had a friend in the neighborhood whose father had Playboy magazines, and we would go over and look at them. I remember cutting out pictures and hiding them in my room.

I just want to keep laying down really great, strong characters, and the more I go unrecognized, the better job I feel I'm doing.