The Bronx? No Thonx!

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

There is no technique, there is just the way to do it.Now, are we going to measure or are we going to cook?

I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

Genetics loads the gun, lifestyle pulls the trigger.

When ancient opinions and rules of life are taken away, the loss cannot possibly be estimated. From that moment, we have no compass to govern us, nor can we know distinctly to what port to steer.

This is fictional time, where events play out and possibilities are exhausted, so that meaning can emerge.

If you die you're completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on.

The American dream has now morphed into an expectation. And if it isn't provided, or if it doesn't happen, then people feel cheated.

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.

Human history is not the battle of good struggling to overcome evil. It is a battle fought by a great evil struggling to crush a small kernel of human kindness.