The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

If I had money, I would like to get an old building, have music performances, do lithographs, have shows of paintings, and do those things that I'm interested in doing.

Hurry is not of the devil; hurry is the devil.

To have to liberate everybody doesn't sound very free to me. You're gong to go liberate people who maybe don't want to be liberated.

Only the tiniest fracton of mankind want freedom. All the rest want someone to tell them theyare free.

In Ireland there’s no such thing as bad weather ~~~ only the wrong clothes. (In the Company of Others)

When people live in accordance with Nature, the song of life becomes sweet.

Beautiful roads do not always lead to beautiful places! Heaven may be hidden at the end of an ugly road! Do not be deceived by the beginning; try to see the end!

I really believe that you never stop learning.

Do you know what people want more than anything? They want to be missed. They want to be missed the day they don't show up. They want to be missed when they're gone.

All cultures have been mingled forever.