The Christians are coming to get you, and they are not pleasant people.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

A thing is only as great as the amount a person is willing to risk for it. If you are not willing to risk anything, then the thing mustn't be so great at all.

Love not because you have to attract someone, love because you have an abundance of love in your heart.

One first celebrates a ‘silver jubilee’, then a ‘golden jubilee’, then a ‘diamond jubilee’, but even then he goes back again into a pile of wood (cremation).

He who owns a wood of proper land in this country, and, in the face of all the personal riches of the day, only raises crabs and choke pears, deserves to lose the respect of all sensible men.

At the end of the Peterson trial, my daughter turns to me and she goes, 'Daddy, are you going to kill Mommy?' 'Oh, honey - that's up to mommy, isn't it?

Other people, including me, have written books with main characters who were old and rich. Or old and brilliant. Old sages, old wizards, old rich people.

For me it sounds weird saying that the filmmakers respect the film. I don't imagine that there's other ways to make a film, but unfortunately there is.

The only thing more enjoyable than chocolate, is bacon.

I like to do the camera work myself because I kind of feel it, you know, I don't articulate it, I feel it. It's the same with editing.

Take a look at me now, cause there's just an empty space. And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face.