The City is, in terms of its basic functioning, a far-off country of which we know little.

We wouldn't care so much what people thought of us if we knew how seldom they did.

You heard people say forty was the new thirty and fifty was the new forty and sixty was the new forty-five, but you never heard anybody say eighty was the new anything. Eighty was just eighty.

The standard personality type for a writer is a shy megalomaniac.

The person doing the worrying experiences it as a form of love; the person being worried about experiences it as a form of control.

But knowing that you had gone wrong, and knowing how you had gone wrong, were not the same thing as knowing how to put it right.

In other words, RBS had its origins in a failed speculation, a bail-out, and a financial crash so big it helped destroy Scotland's status as a separate nation.

The seven Ps: Proper Planning and Preparation Prevent Piss-Poor Performance

It's as if people used the invention of seat belts as an opportunity to take up drunk driving.

People would rather earn 60 grand in an area where their neighbours earn 40, than earn 80 in an area where their neighbours earn a hundred.

Sometimes, the only way of doing something is to do it.

I have to believe in reincarnation. believing that I'll be in one place forever is a hell in itself.

I prefer to be proved wrong than to live in error.

Life's changes creates confidenc!

I need to go play football. I don't care about anything else.

Terrorism is you winning hearts and minds of people.

I've always been criticised for how filthy my material is. Victoria Wood said to me once, 'I wish I was a bit ruder, like you,' and I said, 'Well, I wish I was a bit cleaner, like you.'

I don't think CNN is 'fake news.' I think there are some reports everywhere, in print, on TV, on radio, in conversation, that are not well-researched and are sometimes based on falsehoods.

Palestinians are becoming religiously fanatic. Israel is becoming irrelevant. They do it for religious purpose, fanatic, they want to conquer the Middle East under the command of the Iranians.

The trouble with women in an orchestra is that if they're attractive it will upset my players and if they're not it will upset me.

Wondrous is the strength of cheerfulness, and its power of endurance - the cheerful man will do more in the same time, will do it; better, will preserve it longer, than the sad or sullen.