The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Wrong partners cost much more money than bad financial investments.

You either keep your childhood innocence or you rot!

To her friends said the Bright one in chatter, "I have learned something new about matter: My speed was so great, Much increased was my weight, Yet I failed to become any fatter!"

The left has lost touch with popular opinion, thereby making it possible for the right to present itself as the party of common sense.

You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you're doing it. That is how you torture yourself.

We can sometimes recognize the looks of a century ago on a modern face; but never those of a century to come.

We are all part of some great cycle, some pattern that it was only God's purpose to understand.

Some people just come in, do it and they know it's right. It turns out better than you imagined it was going to sound. When that happens, you take it as a gift.

Anger is the noise of the soul; the unseen irritant of the heart; the relentless invader of silence.

We only get better by pushing ourselves.