The English are polite by telling lies. The Americans are polite by telling the truth.

With sociology one can do anything and call it work

I've often thought that my scruples about stealing books were the only thing that stood in the way of my being a really great scholar.

Culture is a way of coping with the world by defining it in detail.

You Liberals think that goats are just sheep from broken homes.

Here we have a saying: a good friend is someone who visits you when you are in prison. But a really good friend is someone who comes to hear your lectures.

If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments - we'd have the Ten Suggestions.

English history is all about men liking their fathers, and American history is all about men hating their fathers and trying to burn down everything they ever did.

On many American campuses the only qualification for admission was the ability actually to find the campus and then discover a parking space.

Marriage is the most advanced form of warfare in the modern world.

Only the old are innocent. That is what the Victorians understood, and the Christians. Original sin is a property of the young. The old grow beyond corruption very quickly.

And I’ll stop with the lecture now. I don’t like people much—they irritate and annoy me. But I’mfascinated by them anyway.

You never know the nature of another couple's marriage, do you?

In a heartbeat, he understands why religions are born on the sands – there is nothing here for a man but his own mind.

We don't want tradition. We want to live in the present and the only history that is worth a tinker's dam is the history we make today.

We are able to find everything in our memory, which is like a dispensary or chemical laboratory in which chance steers our hand sometimes to a soothing drug and sometimes to a dangerous poison.

Every child is your child.

Sometimes I feel like the corner in the circle.

Every time I go out in London, I'm not always with my guys. I have three female friends that I'll go out with all the time. I'm the only guy there.

We have got to eliminate the gringo, and what I mean by that is if the worst comes to the worst, we have got to kill him.

Lots of people aren't comfortable with silences. They feel they've got to fill the dead air.