The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Always forget to complain, but never forget to appreciate and compliment.

Effective time management is instrumental for economic reformation.

Who hears music feels his solitude peopled at once.

I've never had a bank account in Switzerland since 1984. Why would the Swiss do this to me? Maybe the Swiss are trying to divert attention from the Holocaust gold scandal.

Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude

I worked in the story department for years, on Cars and Toy Story 3.

It is a part of Christianity to convert every natural talent to a religious use.

An aphorism that does not score is just one more sentence.

The Jews are irreligious, atheistic, immoral bunch of bastards.

Experimental science is the queen of knowledge.