The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Death does not end my life, it opens the door to a life without end.

Happiness is when what you think what you say and what you do are in harmony.

The fool shouts loudly thinking to impress the world.

The tub helps me relax, and it's a great place to read.

Newspapers are a centre of public culture. We can’t give in to extortion.

Don't let anyone define you from what you live through and everything that they think you stand for. Just be proud of who you are.

People who are born round don't die square.

I'll have you weak in the knees that you could hardly speak, Or we could do like Uncle L and swing an ep in my Jeep.

Oh, earth, you're too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it -- every, every minute?

Focus on return on equity, not earnings per share.