The Internet is a great place to find unconventional comedy that you can't find anywhere else.

I have a spiritual advisor I call up, when I just feel lost. Lately, I've been talking to God. I developed this dialogue in rehab, this dialogue with God, and every day I talk to God.

I know what you wanted to say, Do you think that electrocution rewired your brain to make you the retard that you are? You can say it, lady.

I had no blood relatives till I made some.

My parents just neglected me, I wasn't abused or anything.

People love to hate. I have a love-hate relationship with the world. The world loves to hate me.

There are atheists and Christians, and there are people in both groups who are a little too heavy-handed.

I guess I'm odd-looking. I'm skinny. But I'm not only skinny - I'm oddly shaped.

I'm really ultra-affected by things, I feel things deeper, and I cry at the drop of a hat, and offended and sensitive and I'm almost paranoid very easily, and that's who I am.

I laugh when I see people in pain. Sometimes I think it is a defense mechanism from childhood, where you're in so much pain you have to laugh. It is a survival mechanism.

I was a bad boy as a child.

When you come right down to it the secret of having it all is loving it all.

Pretty sad. Pretty lonely. But that's how I prefer it? I quess? I guess. It's a good guess. It's the best quess ever.

America has defended other nation's borders while refusing to defend its own.

I like museums in Berlin a lot, especially in the eastern part. They're extraordinarily good.

Nobody is perfect, so get over the fear of being or doing everything perfectly. Besides perfect is boring.

I had a really nice association with Richie DeRosa, a great musician, a great drummer and composer and arranger. And I had a number of classes with him.

Well, you know, for me, I think Spanish food is festive.

I reflect back on my mom's journey, someone who was an immigrant to Canada and came not knowing anything and figured it out tremendously. I reflect back on that a lot.

It is no use telling me there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof.

Madam, I have been looking for a person who disliked gravy all my life; let us swear eternal friendship.