The National Park Service shot a mule in the face. He survived but had trouble swallowing and often food came out of his nose.

For an animal person, an animal-less home is no home at all.

What this world needs is a new kind of army - the army of the kind.

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

You can't make the Duchess of Windsor into Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. The facts of life are very stubborn things.

You can give of your talent, you can give of your possessions, or you can give of yourself. For God's sake, give something.

I consider the 3 most cruelly produced foods to be from lobsters, dropped alive into boiling water, veal from calves separated from their mothers and kept in crates, and pate de foie gras.

Support your right to arm bears.

...one of the ways in which cats show happiness is by sleeping.

I've always had a sneaking fondness for Martin Van Buren. He wrote his autobiography, you know, and never once mentioned his wife. Now that's what I call a mans man.

Man has an infinite capacity to rationalize - especially when it comes to what he wants to eat.

Frankly speaking, I'm not afraid of death. I don't endeavour to avert its advent. But I don't want to be a witness of it.

Why do we always think our pain will be less if we can make others suffer more?

Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.

TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.

It's like, 'Wow. Yes, I had fun... but damn, was it really all worth it when I'm in a wheelchair at the age of 45 and can't play with my grandkids?'

Truth is the kind of error without which a certain species of life could not live. The value for life is ultimately decisive.

He has been known by many names: Lucifer, Beelzabub, Belial, the Prince of Lies, Satan, and at a party once an obnoxious drunk kept calling him "Dude."

He who would tell divers tales must know how to vary the tune.

Great talent admits shortcomings.