The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both ... different. In spelling.

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

I’m Fool You’re cool We both are wonderful

Snob corrupted.

Nowadays the standards had plummeted so far that I failed even at being a failure. I silently packed up. Nothing else was left. They had even robbed me of self-pity

When people say 'let's do something about it', they mean 'let's get hold of the political machinery so that we can do something to somebody else.' And that somebody is invariably you.

Conversation is the fine art of mutual consideration and communication about matters of common interest that basically have some human importance.

Being a Jew, you realize your strongest weapon is your mind.

I greatly admired Gypsy [Rose Lee] for being able to rise above her circumstances; I was terrified of her; I thought she was generous; I thought she was brilliant; I thought she was cruel.

I've heard tell that what you imagine sometimes comes true. -Grandpa Joe

To gain the acceptance of your peers is an admirable task, but to truly accept yourself requires a much higher standard.

What's any artist, but the dregs of his work? the human shambles that follows it around. What's left of the man when the work's done but a shambles of apology.