The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Cine n-ar dori să moară visând că moare?

Even a minor event in the life of a child is an event of that child's world and thus a world event

Fight the fighters, not their wars.

I couldn't care less about who sees my bits ... My friends asked how I could do scenes like that and not get excited, but it wasn't like that. My bits looked the size of a cashew nut!

Everyone's life is an object lesson to others.

You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind.

It is the leisured, I have noticed, who rebel the most at an interruption of routine.

There are weapons that are simply thoughts. For the record, prejudices can kill and suspicion can destroy.

Intellect really exists in its products; its kingdom is here.

Nanny Ogg knew how to start spelling 'banana', but didn't know how you stopped.