The North isn't a place. It's just a direction out of the South.

A good heavy book holds you down. It's an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic.

It's my belief that sanity lies in realizing that reality is not exactly what we had in mind.

Mozart combined high formality and playfulness that delights as no other composition in any other medium does.

People don't necessarily want or need to be done unto as you would have them do unto you. They want to be done unto as they want to be done unto.

Ham's substantial, ham is fat. Ham is firm and sound. Ham's what God was getting at When He made pigs so round.

Cats have intercepted my footsteps at the ankle for so long that my gait, both at home and on tour, has been compared to that of a man wading through low surf.

The legendary yet factual Curtis Wilkie has been the right man in the right place at an uncanny number of extraordinary times.

The first time I walked into a library, I got so excited I almost wet my pants.

I prefer my oysters fried; that way I know my oysters died.

The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs'.

We were immortal, did you know that? Did you feel it like me? We had the world at our feet and we were going to live forever. Then came life – growing inside you – and I became mortal.

The world is changing so fast that the future goes past soon as the present.

Badmouthing your ex-spouse rips the child apart

I feel an unfamiliar but pleasant sensation in my lips, tugging them upward. This is... new.

The road to publication is like a churro - long and bumpy, but sweet.

Now I don't really write for adults or kids - I don't write for kids, I write about them. I think you need to do that, otherwise you end up preaching down.

Torture doesn't work.

I'm very much inclined to be a next-chapter guy instead of a last-chapter guy.

The most fun part about working out is being done - getting through the workout, let's be honest. But that feeling afterward? Yeah, that's worth it.