The Obama administration announced a deal with Iran that would prevent the Iranians from making a nuclear weapon. In exchange, we're giving the Iranians Netflix.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Thank you God for helping me to overcome the bad to live the good.

We are the only state that does not have a State Film Corporation there to support the commercial industry.

Dream! Dream! And then go for it!

It's fine if you want a system that shows a boa constrictor to better advantage than a man.

Provide good content and you’ll earn the right to promote your product.

He wasn't very lovable but he was bloody efficient. (Packer talking about Genghis Khan)

Sickness begets chaos, which, through hard work and a touch of grace, leads to growth and resurrection.

Like democracy itself, jazz has structure, but within it you can say almost anything.

Imagine what you’ll know tomorrow