The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

...I worship at the temple of your body and without you, I'd have no art...

I think of the five generations it will take before [Mr. Perfect]'s born, and I want to scream. I want someone now. I want someone who will look into my eyes and understand everything behind them.

I work toward the liberation of women, but I'm not feminist. I'm just a woman.

Loneliness was tough, the toughest role you ever played. Hollywood created a superstar, and pain was the price you paid.

Leading the party is a privilege not a right.

You must consider every man your enemy who speaks ill of your King, and you must treat every Frenchman as if he were the Devil himself.

Nice people with common sense do not make interesting characters. They only make good former spouses.

My favourite victory is when it is not even clear where my opponent made a mistake.

Ancestral voices prophesying war.

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?