The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Get up, Shahrzad al-Khayzuran. You kneel before no one. Least of all me.

Trust in Him with everything I have even if I have nothing, and right now, that's about all I've got.

Defy reason.

I had thought that successful people, wealthy people, prosperous people, don’t stretch themselves and they don’t live a life of pressure. Well I was wrong.

Honesty is of God and dishonesty of the devil the devil was a liar from the beginning.

Health is not valued till sickness comes.

My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be other than it is, not in the future, not in the past, not in all eternity.

During the first suffragist wave in this nation, women were possessions, like a table or a chair. So violence toward them was quite condoned. The attitude has diminished, but it's still there.

To me a man of meditation is bound to be immensely loving.

The single biggest problem in design is finding out from the client what it is that they really want.