The Republicans are calling the Democrats' plan to have a deadline for US troop withdrawal from Iraq an 'admission of failure', as opposed to the Republican plan which is 'failure without admission'.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

It was mathematical, marriage. Not, as one might expect, additional. It was exponential.

The Bible has been through at least half a dozen translations by the time you read it. Plus, when the word of God is infected by the hand of man, that is, written down, it is tainted.

What we love we shall grow to resemble.

You dropped a 500-seat deuce on Times Square.

What am I thankful for? MY POLKA DOTS!!

I've had some success at writing and directing, and I like it. It's infinitely more creative than just acting, and I have things I want to say and do.

If we will measure other people's corn in our own bushel, let us first take it to the Divine standard, and have it sealed.

An Oscar is a total honor. It's thrilling, and on the one hand, it means a lot of things, and on the other hand, it doesn't really mean anything. It's a moment in time.

Order and creativity are complementary.

The sense of smell in all dogs is their primary doorway to the world around them.