The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Darkness has its own beauty that you can only see with your inner light.

Either the soul is immortal and we shall not die, or it perishes with the flesh and we shall not know that we are dead. Live, then, as if you were eternal.

Friends are not made, but recognized.

The fact is, we sometimes read Scripture, thinking of what it ought to say, rather than what it does say.

Research shows that for jobs of all kinds, emotional intelligence is twice as important an ingredient of outstanding performance as cognitive ability and technical skill combined.

That the world was silent and cold and bare and that in this lay its terrible beauty

Genealogists live in the past lane.

Creativity is not enough... the skill of the true artist is to show the real in the light of the ideal and so transfigure it.

I do want to be in mainstream movies that are going to be seen. I suppose it satisfies the showbiz side of me.

Men prefer to believe that they are degenerated angels, rather than elevated apes.