The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United States in complex, puke-inducing holding patterns.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Courtroom experience is one of the most important factors that is crucial for a successful career of a lawyer

Certainly people make mistakes in their life. I'm no different, I've made mistakes. When people mess up, we forgive them. When I mess up, I ask for forgiveness.

I didn't watch cartoons, I was too busy playing football.

The more comfort the less courage there is.

Some empirical feelings, such as sympathy, are indispensable parts of certain moral virtues.

You can lead a horse to water and you can even make it drink, but you can't make actresses wear what they don't want to wear.

In the groves of their academy, at the end of every vista, you see nothing but the gallows.

Existence begins in every instant.

How is Hillary Clinton going to lecture me about living paycheck to paycheck? I was raised paycheck to paycheck.

There are too many people who imagine that there is something sophisticated about always believing the best of those who hate your country, and the worst of those who defend it.