The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

The sum of things to be known is inexhaustible, and however long we read, we shall never come to the end of our story-book.", 3 October 1892)

Have you had a 'relationship discussion' with God lately? Do you need to?

I am not gamesome: I do lack some partof that quick spirit that is in Antony.

True leadership is not defined by notoriety, power, prestige, status, or job title...

Great sport begins at a point where it has ceased to be healthy.

The human condition today is better than it's ever been, and technology is one of the reasons for that.

I know you despise me; allow me to say, it is because you don't understand me.

When I think of the gold-diggers and the Mormons, the slaves and the slave-holders and the flibustiers, I naturally dream of a glorious private life. No, I am not patriotic.

There must be an authority, and we believe that the most qualified authority in a household is the man's.

Health is not luck. We have an innate ability to maintain good health if we establish the optimal environment for healing.