The Senate being tied is a start. Now, if only it could be gagged.

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it.

Money talks — but credit has an echo.

My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

When you come into the world you have nothing... when you leave you have nothing... and in between there's the IRS.

I believe in facing reality. But only because I don't like turning my back on it.

People used to live lives of quiet desperation - now they go on talk shows!

I like to get to work early. Before my brain knows what I'm up to.

It's not that Good doesn't triumph over Evil, it's that the point spread is too small.

A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest.

Real education changes you on the inside.

When you have lived your individual life in your own adventurous way and then look back upon its course, you will find that you have lived a model human life, after all.

There are lots of different ways grown-ups disappear. It's lonely being the one left behind.

It is impossible to serve God without serving one another.

CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do "me"?

I always wanted to be one of those people who were good at many, many things, but from a very early age, I fell in love with acting.

History does not move by leaps into unrelated novelty, but rather by the selective emphasis of aspects of its own immediate past.

I speak in reality. I don't try to hide anything from anybody, and that's the most dangerous thing about our music that parents are so afraid of.

A lot of the people that are poor take advantage of loopholes and pay no taxes.

When you can prove me wrong, then call me blind.