The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.

Just because you deny facts and science doesn't mean they aren't true

Psychology ideally means giving soul to language and finding language for soul.

It's impossible to live in peace with your inner-self without appointing integrity as the author of your daily decisions and actions.

Can you say something about nothing?

I consider myself a human being, a Christian, a father, a husband, so many things, before being a black person.

The only way you can continue to make artistic films is to make an occasional one of those. They kind of keep your marketability going to the extent that people will employ you.

Dear Jane, Just so you know: e. e. cummings cheated on both of his wives. With prostitutes. Yours, Will Grayson

Conservatives resonate to Burke's view of society, as a partnership between the living, the unborn and the dead.

Monastic brotherhood, upon rock Aerial.

One of the treasures of nature is beauty; this, too, should be preserved.