The Soviet Union at this time was being run by the Communists, a group of men fierce in their dedication to wearing hilariously bad suits. Their leader was Josef Stalin (Russian for "Joey Bananas")

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

The human organism is built for tension and relaxation, work and sleep. The principle of life is rhythm.

Like a surgeon, friends cut you in order to heal you.

Definition of Father's Day: Same as Mother's Day but you don't spend as much.

I just recently realized. It's very strange. But doing fight scenes with Kate [Beckinsale], I was little bit more cautious. You can go harder with a guy, which I don't mean as an insult.

I'm not the manager because I'm always right, but I'm always right because I'm the manager.

I'm just not interested in selling out to get on the charts and make people happy

Nothing beats 2 guitars, drum and bass.

Everything I think seems to be controversial, so I feel like I need to just go away for a second and put it all down on paper until the storm passes.

One of the great penalties those of us who live our lives in full view of the public must pay is the loss of that most cherished birthright of man's, privacy.

I promise everyone who comes to Ukraine can see a beautiful country.