The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Do not run away from your challenges. You must endure and overcome each challenge.

I had too many things to say, and too small a brain to sort them out with.

I'm a lot of fun on a date.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

I was always explaining why my term papers were never on time. I think that's where I got my acting training!

I've never tried to be controversial. The truth is controversial enough.

The minute you feel like you've completed something you lose that momentum. I've learned how to avoid that. That's the bottom line.

Farming out atrocities to paramilitaries is standard operating procedure.

The worst thing you can do to a dictator is laugh at him.

Not too many people in America know about me, but all of Europe knows about me.