The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

When I was a grad student at MIT, I had a chance to become friends with the Viking Mission's chief scientist, Dr. Gerald Soffen. Viking was the first Mars lander looking for signs of life on Mars.

You can find the intangibles of being a quarterback in almost every profession in the world. There's nothing like it.

My father was absolutely no good.

The other half is to dramatize the fact that we still "are" human beings, now. Or can be.

Of all peoples the Greeks have dreamt the dream of life best.

Some take their gold in minted mold, and some in harps thereafter, but give me mine in bubbles fine and keep the change in laughter.

Learn to become still, and take your attention away from what you don't want

I think there are more good young actors now than ever. It's a medium that everyone wants to be connected with - it is such a hip medium going into the 21st century.

Faith only glances at problems, but gazes upon Jesus.

I bought an electric scooter in sixth grade. Bankrupted me.