The Three Branches of Government: Money, Television, and Bullshit

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Puerto Rico was the Republic of Texas on jet-fuel testosterone and psychedelic estrogen.

Money is, with propriety, considered as the vital principle of the body politic; as that which sustains its life and motion, and enables it to perform its most essential functions.

There's a level of sophistication of filmmaking that's mind-boggling. Anything you need for your movie, there's an establishment that can make it happen really fast.

When you come to Jesus, you don't come to get health, wealth and prosperity. You come to Jesus to get Jesus

Africa's salvation doesn't lie in begging and begging for more aid, and as an African, I find it very, very humiliating.

And don't rush to make movies. Movies should be made when they're absolutely ready. There's too many bad movies being made.

We are our own devils; we drive ourselves out of our Edens.

TV's great. I think the best stuff is happening on television.

When the wires are all down and your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then, and only then, have you grown old.

If this [national Democratic Party] is a national party, sushi is our national dish. Today, our national Democratic leaders look south and say, "I see one-third of a nation and it can go to hell."