The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

Women who are inclined to write poetry at all are inspired by being mad at something.

I don't really listen to any of the gossip.

I took one Draught of Life - I'll tell you what I paid - Precisely an existence - The market price, they said.

Prayer and action...can never be seen as contradictory or mutually exclusive. Prayer without action grows into powerless pietism, and action without prayer degenerates into questionable manipulation.

Books are keys that open many doors -- James Rollins

Promising a revolution that’s simply not feasible really does have the potential to create cynicism when a couple of years go by and it hasn’t happened.

Every bit of money that we can bring from our federal transportation budget in Washington back here to Stewart Airport will benefit our local economy and our local residents.

Teachers shouldn't make the mistake of always thinking they're the smartest person in the room

Life is a vacation from two eternities, who wants to waste those precious years worrying about what happens when you get back to forever?