The alphabet was invented in Iraq, so it's a cool place.

Shrimp are the insects of the ocean. They're bottom feeders. So they're delicious, but they're the bugs of the sea.

If you're driving down the street, you keep the neck forward. So that way you can clear out the lanes.

The thing is that where I want to go isn't necessarily tied to what's going on there politically, but I think Vietnam is a really beautiful country. I think Thailand is also really beautiful.

I just got diagnosed with tendonitis which is such an insulting diagnosis. Just point to my shoulder and say "old."

I think Batman Returns is right for riffs. I love it but it's the ultimate Tim Burton movie. There is so much that happens that's crazy and there are a ton of things to riff.

I can't do Christopher Walken impressions anymore, thanks [Barack] Obama.

When you're a young comedian the first thing you want to do is get a laugh.

As you go on you realize "Okay I know how to get laughs but am I saying things I want to say? Am I writing jokes that I like?" You get to a point that is that so you move on.

Netflix is very protective with their information .

I read recently that I was born in Arizona. I wasn't born in Arizona. I was born in New Mexico, but I can understand why people might confuse those two Southwestern desert states.

The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me.

He is precisely the young man to fall headlong in love and repent it for the rest of his life.

Every single aspect of what we do at work comes down to people and managing people, selling to people, working with people or making them do what you want them to do.

It is often the failure who is the pioneer in new lands, new undertakings, and new forms of expression.

I think a lot of the national Democrats believe that, you know, Iraq is a distraction and not part of the War on Terror. They've said so. And I strongly disagree.

If we cannot count on ourselves to do the right thing how can we count on anyone or anything else? Self-government won't work without self-discipline.

Never rise from the table without having given due thanks to the Lord. If we act in this way, we need have no fear of the wretched sin of gluttony.

David Eckman is a man you can trust... His teaching resonates with God's wisdom and compassion

I love working with technology because it allows me to follow my imagination and to invent new things.