The animadversions of critics are commonly such as may easily provoke the sedatest writer to some quickness of resentment and asperity of reply.

Cucumber should be well sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.

Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

Classical quotation is the parole of literary men all over the world.

A man who uses a great many words to express his meaning is like a bad marksman who, instead of aiming a single stone at an object, takes up a handful and throws at it in hopes he may hit.

There are minds so impatient of inferiority that their gratitude is a species of revenge, and they return benefits, not because recompense is a pleasure, but because obligation is a pain.

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford.

He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts.

The evidence is that people who enter hospice don't have shorter lives. In many cases they are longer.

In cities no one is quiet but many are lonely; in the country, people are quiet but few are lonely.

I didn't audition for 'SNL.' I sent in a tape to 'SNL' the year before I started writing there, but I got the job there through doing stand-up on Fallon.

When I was taking my canoeing lessons I was given this oar to practice with, and I decided to have everyone sign it. All the cast and crew signed it and now I'm going to frame it.

I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

Bringing production to a festival can be tricky sometimes.

Two quarters doesn't make a trend, but it's a heck of a lot better than none.

I'm in a hard place now. A very silent place. And I'm struggling to either accept this or drag myself out of it.

When making a decision of minor importance, I have always found it advantageous to consider all the pros and cons.

There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love