The attention was flattering. For the first five minutes. Now I know how poems feel.

Now is a time for, dare I say it, kindness. I thought being extremely smart would take care of it. But I see I have been found out.

My only defense is the acquisition of vocabulary.

Never turn your back to those who have faced your problems on your behalf. Never shut your mouth on those who have opened their hearts to receive you!

Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.

Grunge is a hippied romantic version of punk.

Pride is as loud a beggar as want, and a great deal more saucy

On the Road that I have taken, one day walking I awaken, amazed to see where I've come, where I'm going, where I'm from.

Men to whom wine had brought death long before lay by springs of wine and drank still, too stupefied to know their lives were past.

2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"

It's hard to shoot anything in L.A.; it's just a chore, but they're great here.

To his ex-wife in court, he said I lost interest in you when the Botox lost its effect and you looked like a plastic doll that escaped from a fire.

Trust is the easiest thing in the world to lose, and the hardest thing in the world to get back.