The audience is your first collaborator with the material. If that makes sense.

Shrimp are the insects of the ocean. They're bottom feeders. So they're delicious, but they're the bugs of the sea.

If you're driving down the street, you keep the neck forward. So that way you can clear out the lanes.

The thing is that where I want to go isn't necessarily tied to what's going on there politically, but I think Vietnam is a really beautiful country. I think Thailand is also really beautiful.

I just got diagnosed with tendonitis which is such an insulting diagnosis. Just point to my shoulder and say "old."

I think Batman Returns is right for riffs. I love it but it's the ultimate Tim Burton movie. There is so much that happens that's crazy and there are a ton of things to riff.

I can't do Christopher Walken impressions anymore, thanks [Barack] Obama.

When you're a young comedian the first thing you want to do is get a laugh.

As you go on you realize "Okay I know how to get laughs but am I saying things I want to say? Am I writing jokes that I like?" You get to a point that is that so you move on.

Netflix is very protective with their information .

I read recently that I was born in Arizona. I wasn't born in Arizona. I was born in New Mexico, but I can understand why people might confuse those two Southwestern desert states.

Tell me not in mournful numbers, Life is but an empty dream!For the soul is dead that slumbers, And things are not what they seem.

Many Christians would prefer to hear “What a great guy” from the crowd rather than “Well done, good and faithful servant” from the Master [Matthew 25:23].

The gum looked fresh. I sniffed it and it smelled all right. I licked it and waited for a while. When I did not die, I crammed it into my mouth: Wrigley's Double Mint.

Most smiles are started by another smile.

We don't know what we think until we see what we say.

I think a child calling for his mother is the most beautiful sound in the world.

If you're rich you can buy books. If you're poor, you need a library.

I'm one of those people that will say, 'My cancer was a gift.'

Some people like to do everything always the same thing. That's another way: To do the same thing.

I got the whole band set up in the basement and we are jamming.