The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out.

If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage.... No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.

On Furnishing One's Home - Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it.

Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes.

I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.

Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane.

Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry.

You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.

I was an angst-y journal writing kid.

You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.

We experience a new life with divine encounter.

No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.

The young must learn to appreciate the wisdom of elderly people and learn from their life experiences.

People don't always tell you what they are thinking. They just see to it that you don't advance in life.

Come on. I got drunk when I was like 5.

society ... is tolerant of crimes, and long suffering with dullness, but it shows no mercy to those who are different from other people.

Dont take Portlandia too personally - Its just a stupid TV show

The crowd may be influenced easily, largely because it is a crowd.

My self is all to me. I don't have any need of you.

I'm not going to relate to an athlete as a peer.