The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

I change my mind so much I need two boyfriends and a girlfriend.

I never have an opinion about clothes and know nothing about fashion.

It is when judgment ceases that healing occurs.

Just when you think you’ve hit rock bottom, someone will hand you a shovel.

Human identity is no longer defined by what one does but rather by what one owns.

The past is dead; The future is imaginary; Happiness can only be in the Eternal Now Moment.

My aim has been to expound Scripture and to expound Scripture in such a way that I do not set one Scripture over against another.

Colonel Walker, did it ever occur to you that General Jackson is crazy?

Forgive, you will have happiness. Forget, you will have satisfacton. Forgive and forget, You will have everlasting peace Within and without.

Most x-rated films are advertised as "adult entertaintment,"for "mature adults," when in reality they are juvenile entertainment for immature and insecure people.