The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Why is it, " he said, one time, at the subway entrance, "I feel I've known you so many years?""Because I like you, " she said, "and I don't want anything from you.

Maybe that's what writers do-Maybe they exaggerate pain just so that you feel okay about what you're feeling.

I decided to fly through the air and live in the sunlight and enjoy life as much as I could.

Bath twice a day to be really clean, once a day to be passably clean, once a week to avoid being a public menace.

Find your purpose, find your voice.

I just try to keep my heart open. By this, I mean to try not to let my own programmed reaction to things keep me closed down for too long.

What a child can do today with assistance, she will be able to do by herself tomorrow.

In the beginning we must simplify the subject, thus unavoidably falsifying it, and later we must sophisticate away the falsely simple beginning.

Smoking ages you quicker than almost anything else.

Complexity is your enemy. Any fool can make something complicated. It is hard to keep things simple.