The best Christmas present you can give to your dead grandfather is not showing up until Easter. And telling no one about it. Especially not yourself.

The way to be invisible - is to truly be imaginary. But since you cannot imagine yourself, you have to clone your imagination into being an image of yourself. Imagine that.

The NSA may, or may not have rejected the invisible secret operative application form I never even bothered to have sent over to them. I'll never know...

A relationship is a process. If you have nothing to learn - you have a slave to teach. 's why schools are effective.

The only way to efficiently battle evil is to copy enough to know how to counter each argument, yet not enough to believe all the bullshit.

I think she's too single for me, and she thinks I'm with two other people. She also thinks she thinks, I think.

Some people are so much heaven to the square inch that life is simply hell, when she leaves you in order to go south for the winter. (Yes, women are people too, sometimes even threee.)

IQ's are a combination of eyes, and queues. Would you wait in line to see my goat show? Of course you wouldn't, because the line is invisible.

Silence is the invisibility of talking. I'd take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I'd take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day, unless it's Tuesday.

When Jarod Kintz gets married, I want to wear his grandpa to the ceremony, telling everyone we're Siamese twins from the future-past. Meow.

To fall in love twice, with the same person, you need to grow another heart. That's all I do in my secret underground laboratory at night...

It can be accepted that there is a price for man's work, time spent or service done, but never for human dignity.

As long as Satan is loose in the world and our hearts are dominated by his evil passions, it will never be easy or popular to be a follower of Christ.

One thing that they don’t tell you is that fires can’t burn bright forever.

Fascism is a worldwide disease. Its greatest threat to the United States will come after the war, either via Latin America or within the United States itself.

Real men laugh at opposition real men smile when enemies appear.

If I'd been offered 'Spider-Man,' I probably would have done it. I don't think it's bad to go and do those things.

Life isn't all beer and skittles; few of us have touched a skittle in years.

My weakness for beautiful women is my most expensive vice, I still believe in matrimony, but I can't afford another try.

There is an element of truth in every idea that lasts long enough to be called corny.

My hand will always be imperfect because it's human… I think that's where the beauty is.