The best joke-tellers are those who have the patience to wait for conversation to come around to the point where the jokes in their repertoire have application.

Not to like ice cream is to show oneself uninterested in food.

What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams, and what we do to make them come about.

Of the seven deadly sins, only envy is no fun at all.

In recompense, envy may be the subtlest - perhaps I should say the most insidious - of the seven deadly sins.

The pleasure of jogging and running is rather like that of wearing a fur coat in Texas in August: the true joy comes in being able to take the damn thing off.

I myself think anti-Semitism is about envy.

I am not merely a habitual quoter but an incorrigible one. I am, I may as well face it, more quotatious than an old stock-market ticker-tape machine, except that you can't unplug me.

A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it.

I just know so many people who have six or seven foreign languages and have read everything and have musical training and they are still dorks

That wine drinking is more effete than beer drinking? No question.

What you are will show, ultimately. Start now, every day, becoming, in your actions, your regular actions, what you would like to become in the bigger scheme of things.

A well arranged scrapbook, filled with choice selections, is a most excellent companion for anyone who has the least literary taste.

Laws ought to be fashioned unto the manners and conditions of the people whom they are meant to benefit, and not imposed upon them according to the simple rule of right.

Do not be deceived by the outward appearance of age or youth - a new pitcher may be full of good, old wine, while an old one may be totally empty.

If someone kills you, they will deprive you of life, but they can never deprive you of your right to life.

One of the greatest tragedies in life is to watch potential die untapped.

Men ever follow willingly a daring leader: most willingly of all, in great emergencies.

Every man can educate himself. It's shameful to put one's mind into the hands of those whom you wouldn't entrust with your money. Dare to think for yourself.

Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!

Honor the physical temple that houses you by eating healthfully, exercising, listening to your body's needs and treating it with dignity and love.