The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

An all-out attack on evolutionist thinking is possibly the only real hope our nations have of rescuing themselves from an inevitable social and moral catastrophe.

Each of us is a book waiting to be written, and that book, if written, results in a person explained.

Fear to let fall a drop and you spill a lot.

Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn.

Happiness is at once the best, the noblest, and the pleasantest of things.

I can't be found in myself; I discover myself in others. That much is clear. And I suspect that I also love and care for myself in others.

I love to bake, especially cupcakes. I'm really good at it.

It's brilliant, being depressed; you can behave as badly as you like.

A lot of people didn't get to see Butler's skills throughout the course of the season.

Your old home town's so far away, but inside your head there's a record that's playing, a song called 'Hold On