The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.

In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed.

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.

Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

If you can't stand yourself, neither can anybody else!

A great NOW will be a great WAS! A bad NOW will always be a bad WAS, and all you can hope for is a Great GONNA BE!

If you have no tragedy, you have no comedy. Crying and laughing are the same emotion. If you laugh too hard, you cry. And vice versa.

Jazz is a beautiful woman whose older brother is a policeman.

People come up to me and they thank me: 'I thank you for the many, many hours of laughter.'

Every language has its own music.

The purpose of prayer is not to change God's mind, which always knows your wholeness and your deservingness. The purpose of prayer is to change your mind so you can see through the eyes of God.

I'm just happy there are characters in the world. I think that anybody who's completely nuts and makes the world a more interesting place is good by me, as long as they're not hurting others.

I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do.

Timing is everything. It is not so much about who you know, especially now with the Internet, because anybody can become a superstar overnight.

He who possesseth little is so much the less possessed. Blessed be moderate poverty!

There's too much money and too many nice guys around.

No matter what's going on in our lives, the victory is in refusing to quit.

A credit default swap was confusing mainly because it wasn't really a swap at all. It was an insurance policy, typically on a corporate bond, with semiannual premium payments and a fixed term.

i can nourish myself on nothing but truth