The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

The laugh came then, a marvelous honking hoorah so infectious that Dill felt it should be quarantined.

Cheese is milk's leap towards immortality.

The pathos of life is worse than the tragedy.

Really I'm just an actor. The only difference between me and those cats in Hollywood is that I write my own script.

The kind of player who has turned his game around, he used to be lousy and lazy and now he is lazy and lousy.

Death opens the gate of fame, and shuts the gate of envy after it; it unlooses the chain of the captive, and puts the bondsman's task into another man's hand.

When you want to change things, you can't please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren't making enough progress.

The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that mximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Not one of our national officers ever has had a dollar of salary. I retire on full pay!