The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

There are two types of spirits

At the end of every diet the path curves back toward the trough.

Each act is an island in time, to be judged on its own.

When you play Bobby, it is not a question if you win or lose. It is a question if you survive.

The free trade movement in the middle of the last century represents the first conscious recognition of these new circumstances and of the necessity to adapt to them.

I'm not gonna date anyone since i'm married to my fans

I believe people are afraid to be still because we're used to being stimulated.

The divorce has lasted way longer than the marriage, but finally it's over.

The problem is not how to wipe out all differences, but how to unite with all differences intact.

Rock 'n Roll is monotony tinged with hysteria.