The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.

All men desire peace, but very few desire those things that make for peace.

I love playing smart and tough and having funny lines.

Loke who that is most vertuous alway, Prive and apert, and most entendeth ay To do the gentil dedes that he can, And take him for the gretest gentilman.

I'm in a privileged position and I'm going to do my utmost to use that privileged position on behalf of the U.K., its citizens, its businesses and people.

I guess there are different ways to handle success. You can multiply it financially and use it to multiply your net worth. That's always been very appealing to me.

Words let us say the things we want to say and also things we would be better off not having said. They let us know the things we need to know, and also things we wish we didn't.

The West can teach the East how to get a living, but the East must eventually be asked to show the West how to live.

It would be a mistake to export western management to a friendly country.

The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.