The biggest adjustment from the minors was learning to spend $45 in meal money.

Last year we had so many people coming in and out they didn't bother to sew their names on the backs of the uniforms. They just put them there with Velcro.

I have an Alka-Seltzer bat. You know-plop, plop, fizz, fizz, when the pitcher sees me walking up there he says, 'Oh, what a relief it is'.

Every season has its peaks and valleys. What you have to try to do is eliminate the Grand Canyon.

My biggest problem in the big leagues is that I can't figure out how to spend forty-three dollars in meal money.

The game is full of peaks and valleys, the key is to avoid the Grand Canyon.

Good mothers are underrated, just like good defense.

They wanted me to play third like Brooks so I did play like Brooks - Mel Brooks.

He (Ozzie Smith) plays like he's on a mini-trampoline or wearing helium kangaroo shorts.

If someone from Germany or somewhere, who had no idea what baseball was, saw Kruk play, he'd wonder what the beer truck driver was doing playing first base.

If everyone were like him (Mitch Williams) I wouldn't play. I'd find a safer way to make a living.

Great, tell me when you've defeated Voldemort for me, will you?

Civilization will not attain to its perfection until the last stone from the last church falls on the last priest.

Enmity dies when friendship is born.

Why, who would not make her husband a cuckold

Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.

I don't know how it is the most unattractive creatures of every nation seem to be the ones who travel.

You may force me to say what you wish; you may revile me for saying what I do. But it moves.

My sole defense against the natural horror which death inspires is to love beyond it.

Do not save what is left after spending, but spend what is left after saving.

Impulse without reason is enough, and reason without impulse is a poor makeshift.