The biggest laughs are based on the biggest disappointments and the biggest fears.

There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.

Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.

Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.

Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.

Music is, to me, proof of the existence of God. It is so extraordinarily full of magic, and in tough times of my life I can listen to music and it makes such a difference.

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.

We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.

I had chosen to use my work as a reflection of my values.

A Man of Knowledge like a rich Soil, feeds If not a world of Corn, a world of Weeds.

And let us dispose of a common misconception. The complete transmutation of even one animal species into a different species has never been directly observed either in the laboratory or in the field.

Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.

Even those who fancy themselves the most progressive will fight against other kinds of progress, for each of us is convinced that our way is the best way.

Going to radio with a rap record prior to going to the consumer is like having no foreplay with your girlfriend.

I was a feminist in the Sixties, and can you imagine? The worst thing I could have done was to be in fashion. It was the most uncomfortable position.

When you retire you want to get as far away as possible from the game for a couple of years.

People rarely buy what they need. They buy what they want.

It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.