The butler entered the room a solemn procession of one.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

I am too much alien and not enough monkey to fit in here.

If your ministry can't work without you, then it is no longer Christ-centered. Minister toward Jesus, not yourself.

I have employed someone who earns money for me and does not charge anything .. i call it my corpus or nest egg.It is a beautiful feeling when your corpus earns money and beats your salary

The meaning of man's existence is not to dominate over others, but to better humanity.

Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.

The twin conceptions of sin and vindictive punishment seem to be at the root of much that is most vigorous, both in religion and politics.

A single son endowed with good qualities is far better than a hundred devoid of them.

Our repentances are generally not so much a concern and remorse for the harm we have done, as a fear of the harm we may have brought upon ourselves.

My departure from Hollywood was described as a walk-out. No one understood that I was cracking up.

If you want to make a chili, you're going to break some cows.